May
07
Posted by Orchid
Most U.S. marriages break up when kids are either very young or when they are teenagers, and most remarriages happen within a few years of the breakup. Thus, about 35 percent of U.S. teenagers are now part of a stepfamily.
Because teenagers are at a stage in life where they’re trying to assert their independence, it¡s not easy for them to integrate into a new step-family bent on togetherness.” The key is to go slowly and to be aware that the teenage stepchildren can be moody and appear to be indifferent, but down deep they need to feel they belong” to their new family.
COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY
Stepfamilies grow and develop through shared experiences and good verbal communication, but this too takes time. How stepparents communicate is as important as what they communicate.Teenagers want to be taken seriously. Show respect for their ideas, opinions, temperament, desire for privacy and the physical changes they are going through. The bonus for showing respect is winning respect.
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May
07
Posted by Orchid
It may take a while for reality to hit toddlers after a divorce, but eventually they realize that Dad and Mom don’t live together anymore. Yet many small children can’t express themselves well verbally. It’s often difficult to tell what they’re thinking.
Looking for Clues
What are the clues that signal a child isn’t coping well after a divorce? Possible warning signs to watch for are tantrums, sadness, sleep disturbances, persistent and new types of limit testing and regression. Toddlers may also display loneliness and confusion.
Dr. William Sammons, co-author ofDon’t Divorce Your Children: Protecting Their Rights and Your Happiness (McGraw-Hill, 1999), offers several strategies that divorced parents can use to help toddlers cope and lessen children’s undesirable behavior.
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May
06
Posted by Orchid
Eva L. remembers the conversation she had with her two sons following one of their regular visits with her ex-husband. Both boys were brimming with news about Daddy’s new friend, Joanne. But when she referred to their father as someone who was dating, the children were quick to insist that she was wrong.
“Daddy told us he won’t date until we’re in college,” they declared. “She’s just a friend.”
Tears followed some time later, when the father asked his sons for “permission” to allow Joanne move in with him. Given the power to vote on the relationship, the children cast “no” ballots and told their dad that, per his earlier declaration, Joanne couldn’t move in until after they went away to school.
The story illustrates the confusion and anxiety children often feel when parents, eager for some measure of happiness and success in a new relationship, struggle over how much distance to place between their children and a newly developing romance. “Seeing a parent date is an odd scenario for kids,” says M. Gary Neuman, L.M.H.C., author of Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way. Neuman is creator of a divorce therapy program for children mandated for use in family courts by many states. “It sometimes hammers home the message that our parents are never going to get back together.”
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May
05
Posted by Orchid
In an ideal divorce situation, both parents would deserve and have equal custody along with decision-making capabilities regarding their children. They would treat each other fairly and with respect for their own chosen parenting style.
Unfortunately this is too often not the case and at least one parent if not both set out to defame the other parent in their children’s eyes. Turning your children against the other parent will create a life long psychological difficulty for them and gain you nothing. A friend of mine shared with me the anger she still feels at times towards her mother for turning her against her father while she was a child. When she was old enough to begin questioning all she had been told, she discovered that her mother had lied to her and greatly exaggerated her father’s failings. She has now forged a relationship with her father and become closer to him than to her mother, and feels cheated of the years she lost to her mother’s bitterness.
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May
01
Posted by Orchid
Check out this video on commonly asked questions by step siblings, please provide any comments you have.
Step Sibling Help
Apr
30
Posted by Orchid
Though each stepfamily and child is unique, typical stepsiblings have common special needs of their co-parents and relatives like…
a clear understanding of…
- their group identity as a stepfamily,
- who belongs (is included), and…
- what their step-identity means to them and their other family members; and stepsibs need…
the sense that their co-parents aren’t anxious or guilty about, or ashamed to be in, a multi-home stepfamily; and they need…
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Apr
27
Posted by Orchid
(provided by Dick Eberle, Mediator)
Child’s Rights
A CHILD has the right to love each parent without being subjected to the other parent’s hurt or anger.
A CHILD has the right to develop an independent and meaningful relationship with each parent and to enjoy the uniqueness of each parent and each home.
A CHILD has the right to be free from involvement in parents’ personal battles or being used as a spy, messenger or a bargaining chip.
A CHILD has the right to extended family relationships which include grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and others, and to appreciate the unique differences of each side of his or her family and not have these differences referred to as “better” or “worse.”
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Apr
27
Posted by Orchid
(provided by Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC)
As your divorce progresses, you may find that you actually feel better when you have less contact with your ex. If you do not have children together, this is not a difficult objective to obtain. However, if you are a parent then you are probably thrown together with your ex more often than you would like.
Whether contact with the other parent is sad or adversarial, here are a few creative strategies you can implement that will help diminish the repeatedly painful contact.
… If your children are of school age and you live in the same school district, visitation can commence with the children taking the school bus directly to their other home.
… If your children are pre-school age, then day care or nursery school may be an excellent place for visitation transition.
… Try a neutral family member’s home as a transitional place. Bring your children there and pick up can commence after you leave.
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